Sona's Birth Story | Part Two
If you missed the first part of Sona’s Birth Story, you can read it here. Part one covers the end of my pregnancy leading up to, and past, my estimated due date. This post picks up on the morning I went into labor. Buckle up because this one is a bit of a bumpy ride…
When labor began
I woke up around 5am on Tuesday, June 29th and noticed I was having pretty regular contractions while I had my breakfast. Around 6am, I started timing them and they were about 5-6 minutes apart. By 7am, my app told me that I was in established labor but the contractions were still very manageable. I texted Anthony to let him know what was going on but - still thinking it could be a false alarm - that I wasn’t ready to call the OB yet. By 9am, it felt like this was the real deal and I asked Anthony to come home from work and to arrange for his mom to pick up Sage for the day. I had some raspberry leaf tea and a snack and then got back on the birthing ball. We watched Netflix for a couple hours with my sister, who was in town from California to help me the last couple of weeks and meet her new niece! Then Anthony and I took a walk around our neighborhood. We were on our second walk of the day, just after noon when my water broke. We headed back to the house and had lunch, then called the OB who told us to come in for a labor check at 2pm.
At the labor check, the midwife determined I was 3-4 cm but the test for amniotic fluid came back negative. I thought I could have been wrong about my water breaking, maybe I just peed myself? Which would be embarrassing but not all that surprising for anyone who’s ever been 40+ weeks pregnant. She said she did think that this was real labor and suggested we go walk around the mall for an hour or two and then come back for another check. I wish we could have walked around a park or somewhere more relaxing but that day it was 91 degrees and super humid outside. We were at the mall just long enough to get a smoothie before I told Anthony I wanted to go somewhere less crowded. As we were walking to our car, I felt another gush of fluid - thankfully I had put on an adult diaper before we left. (If that’s TMI, then maybe you shouldn’t be reading a birth story! lol) We settled on the Carter’s/Osh Kosh store a few minutes away, thinking that looking at cute baby clothes might get the oxytocin flowing and things moving along. When we got out of the car I felt another, bigger gush of fluid. At this point I was thinking, “this better be my water because this is an embarrassing amount of times to pee myself in one day”! We browsed the store for maybe 30 minutes before it was time to head back to the OB.
At the second labor check, I was still 3-4cm but the amniotic fluid test came back positive right away. My water had definitely broken! Two nurses then walked me over to the hospital where I was admitted while Anthony went to the car to get our bags. I filled out all the check-in paperwork then met back up with Anthony out in the waiting room. We got settled into our labor & delivery room around 5pm.
Laboring naturally
We dimmed the lights and set up the battery operated candles I brought on the beside table, along with a little bundle of lavender from my garden. I ordered some chicken broth and apple juice to the room for some sustenance since I was on a “clear fluids only” diet, but definitely planned to sneak some snacks from our bag when the nurses weren’t looking. Anthony got us set up with a BritBox subscription so we could watch more seasons of Grand Designs- our go-to show during the last months of my pregnancy. I was bouncing on the birthing ball and Anthony was sitting behind me rubbing my back. I was feeling calm, hopeful and strong. We were finally having our baby! I was so excited and relieved that I had gone into labor on my own and wouldn’t need to be induced. For the next 7 hours, I labored either on the ball or in the bathtub connected to our room. The contractions were consistent and strong and I was managing well on my own. The nurses came in every so often to monitor my contractions and baby’s heart rate but other than that, we were left alone which was exactly what I wanted. I actually remember feeling really happy and almost euphoric during this time!
Then things took a turn…
I remember getting out of the tub a little after midnight to change things up. Sometime shortly after this, baby’s heart rate was a bit too high during intermittent monitoring and I was given a bag of IV fluids as this can sometimes be a sign of dehydration. After that, my contractions started to space out a bit more and were feeling less intense. I was getting tired after being awake since 5am the day before. I couldn’t decide if I should try to rest while I could or get upright and moving to help things progress. I ended up doing a combination of both but my stress level was increasing as the hours ticked by. At this point, I had not had a cervical check since being admitted so I didn’t know if or how much my labor had progressed. I knew I was “on the clock” because my water had already broken and that the more time that went by brought increasing concern about an infection developing that could harm me and the baby. But as the hours went by and my labor was still stalling, it became clear we were going to have to do something to help it along.
Around 7am, our midwife came in to discuss the options with us. We asked how much longer we could wait for labor to start again naturally and she said we were already past the point where they feel comfortable with a prolonged rupture of membranes. Our options were Cervadil (a pill form) or Pitocin (IV). Anthony stepped up and asked all the right questions so we knew the benefits and risks of each to help me make a decision. I was scared, because this was not what I wanted and honestly, I hadn’t even considered the possibility of labor stalling after it had begun on it’s own. In the moment, it felt like I didn’t have a choice and that was like a punch in the gut. So much of preparing for a natural unmedicated birth lies in mindset, in trusting your body and your baby to do what they are designed to do. So realizing that my labor needed to be augmented, for the safety of me and the baby, felt like the floor was falling out from underneath me. I definitely shed a few tears.
But one thing I’m proud of myself for is knowing what I needed to help me get through, even in that moment of fear and uncertainty. I agreed to starting Pitocin but first I told the midwife she needed them to take me off of clear fluids only and let me order a big breakfast from the cafeteria. I was tired and STARVING and that was a non-negotiable. I ordered a western omelette and coffee which was the perfect pick me up after a long night. After I finished my breakfast, I got out of bed, brushed my hair, splashed water on my face and put on mascara. I needed to feel like this was a fresh start to be able to face what was ahead of me. I was nervous about Pitocin contractions but I wasn’t ready to give up my hope for giving birth without pain medication yet. I was also thinking “F—- it. If I’m getting Pitocin that probably means I’m getting an epidural and so I can be one of those people who actually looks decent when they have a baby”. I felt both things at the same time. I’d say my spirits were tenuously positive.
me, trying to pump myself up: let’s take a “labor - take 2” picture!
Augmenting my labor with Pitocin
I started on Pitocin right around 9am. From then on, I needed to have constant monitoring so I was hooked up to the machine and obviously to the IV drip, but I was still able to be up and moving. With some renewed energy and guidance from the new nurse who had just started her shift, we started doing a cycle of different positions to help baby descend in the birth canal. When I was laboring with my first daughter, I found the upright positions to be most helpful with the pain and spent most of active labor and transition leaning on Anthony and swaying in the “labor dance”. I was doing a rocking motion with my foot up on a small stool with his support when the nurse came back in to tell us that the baby wasn’t tolerating upright positions well and I needed to change course. That felt like another moment where the floor gave out from under me. I was thinking “Ok, now my labor wasn’t progressing on it’s own AND I wasn’t able to do the kind of positions that I had the most comfort and experience with”…. From there we moved to a circuit of different positions that could be done on the bed. Over the next three hours, the Pitocin drip was slowly increased to a level 10. (I was told the max they could give me was 20). I was getting more uncomfortable but I was still managing the pain well with the up breathing I learned in our hypnobirthing class. My contractions were regular again and increasing in intensity but I couldn’t shake the feeling that delivery was still a long way off.
Deciding to get an epidural
This is where my fears really set in again. I was doing the math in my head. It had been 30 hours since my labor began and 24 hours since my water broke. I hadn’t gotten any sleep and I was really losing steam. I still hadn’t had my cervix checked but I knew in my gut this fear wasn’t the kind of “I can’t do this!” feeling that is a hallmark sign of transition. I knew the contractions had to get much more intense than they were before I would be fully dilated. Any way I looked at it, I just couldn’t see how I could get through to the end on my own and still have anything left to give for pushing. In the same way I knew I needed food before I could physically and emotionally handle augmenting my labor, I knew with urgency that my body needed sleep and with no pain medication and contractions coming every 3-4 minutes, I wasn’t going to be able to get any.
As this realization slowly set in, I started crying. Looking back, I know requesting an epidural was the right decision for me in this situation, but at the time it felt like another instance where I didn’t realistically have any other options and that was very, very hard for me to accept. It was not easy to let go of my hope of having another unmedicated birth. But even more than that, I was feeling a loss of confidence in my body and myself that I grieved during and for weeks after Sona’s birth.
At 1:30pm, the anesthesiologist came to administer the epidural. Actually getting it was more painful and emotionally overwhelming than I thought it would be. (Proving once again, that no matter how you give birth, all moms are superheroes.) I told the anesthesiologist I wanted to have some sensation for pushing and wanted to keep the epidural as low as we could - just enough to take the edge off so I could sleep.
“labor - take 3”
Waiting for labor to progress
By 2pm, the epidural had started working enough for me to doze off for about 30 minutes before the new midwife, Elle, arrived at 2:30pm. She checked my cervix and let me know I was still 3-4 cm dilated - exactly the same as when I was admitted to the hospital nearly 24 hours before. In all that time and even with Pitocin, I had made no progress. Which of course, is pretty gutting news for someone who’s been in labor for a day and a half at this point. I remember feeling a bit disassociated as she told me that part of the amniotic sac was in front of the baby’s head and blocking it from making full contact with my cervix. She said this wasn’t necessarily why my labor wasn’t progressing but breaking this pocket of fluid could help, so she was going to keep an eye on it. I thanked the Lord that I had already asked for an epidural, turned over and went back to sleep.
I woke up after an hour or so and spent the next stretch doing different peanut ball positions and just chatting with our nurse and Anthony. I was still feeling pretty low and I think they were trying to distract me. My confidence was really shaken. After natural labor stalling and then Pitocin not creating any progress, I was beginning to think that this labor wasn’t going anywhere. There came a point where I asked the nurse if she was familiar with the “gentle cesarean” concept and what options we would have if I did end up needing a C-section. It wasn’t long after this when the nurse asked if I was feeling any pressure and I said yes.
And then…
At around 5:15pm, the midwife came back to check on me and I was 10cm dilated! I was so happy I almost couldn’t believe it. I was pretty convinced that a vaginal birth just wasn’t going to happen for me this time. She said that part of the amniotic sac was now bulging into the birth canal and we decided to go ahead and break it. As soon as she broke it, the baby’s head moved down to where the bulging waters had been. The nurse asked if I felt ready to push and I said not yet, that I wanted to labor down for as long as I could first. At this point, the sensation I felt was pretty intense but it wasn’t necessarily painful. I didn’t know what to expect with the epidural so I was really happy that I could still feel what was going on. That really helped me find the energy and strength I needed for delivery. I switched to “down breathing” with each contraction and did my best to relax and visualize the baby's head moving down through the birth canal. There were a few times the nurse asked if I was ready to push, but I was happy doing exactly what I was doing! I could feel her moving down and was excited that this was really working.
10 cm dilated!
Pushing & delivery
I labored down for 45-50 minutes before my body kind of started pushing on its own. The nurse asked what position I wanted to push in and I said in a squatting or seated position. The nurse dropped the foot of the bed down and brought in a squat bar and a cart with all the supplies for delivery. I ended up most comfortable in a position I later learned is called “throne”. I was thrilled that I had enough sensation and leg strength even with the epidural to give birth the way I wanted to. We read over my birth preferences one more time and the nurse seemed a little skeptical that not holding my breath during contractions would be effective. I wanted to catch the baby myself, so I ended up taking off my gown completely. It just felt like it was in the way! Soon after, the midwife, Elle was there and at 6:11pm I was ready to officially start pushing. In a stroke of luck, Elle was familiar with open-glottis pushing and guided me to make low sounds to help give more power behind each push. For the first time in hours and hours, I felt really strong and in control. Just a few minutes later, I reached down and touched the top of my baby’s head. That feeling gave me so much motivation to get her head out during the next contraction. I will never forget that moment, feeling the intensity of crowning then holding my baby’s head in my hand. With the next push, she was born and I immediately grabbed her and pulled her up onto my chest. It was 6:22pm on June 30th, 36 hours after labor began the previous morning. The relief I felt in that moment was indescribable. Anthony and I were both crying - I was just so glad that labor was OVER and she was finally here! Her first cry was like music to my ears after hearing so many other babies being born in the neighboring rooms over the last day and a half. It was finally our turn! I was finally holding our baby girl, our beautiful Sona Margaret, in my arms. I still can’t believe I only pushed for 11 minutes!
Third stage of labor
We delayed cord clamping until the cord was white and stopped pulsating. While waiting for that to happen, I got to see and hold the umbilical cord while it was still attached to both of us which was really amazing. Then, I cut the cord myself, with Sona still on my chest. I birthed the placenta easily on my own a short time later, which if you remember from part one was another huge relief! I asked if I had any tearing as the midwife was cleaning me up and she said no tears, just a few abrasions. I was stunned and thrilled!
After how long and difficult my labor had been, the fact that Sona’s actual birth went so smoothly was so redeeming. It was such a high moment. As things calmed down, I got Sona to latch for the first time and Anthony hustled to order me a crab cake dinner before the cafeteria closed for the night. (I seriously couldn’t ask for a more supportive, encouraging, wonderful partner in birth and in life). Anthony finally got to hold her about an hour after she was born, bless him. I have a hard time handing over my babies any sooner than that!