Sona's Birth Story | Part One
When I first started writing this, I was sitting on the couch with a four week old baby napping on my chest and our dog cuddled up to my side. Now as I’m doing a final edit, I’m sitting in bed with a four MONTH old baby napping on my chest. It’s strange to think that four months ago I was still pregnant. Both because it feels like these four months have flown by and because it feels like Sona’s been with us for way longer than that. Parenthood is weird like that - full of contradictions.
Which is a great transition into Sona’s birth story... I want to preface this by saying that while ultimately I feel positive about my second birth experience, it took quite a few weeks for me to get there. This labor was so different from my first and it’s taken a good bit of time and reflection - with guidance from my postpartum doula - to process why it felt so challenging for me. I’m at a place now where I’ve released the fear and disappointment I felt when things didn’t go the way I expected and I can celebrate the joyful, empowering moments of my birth.
I’m dividing her birth story into three parts, because it turns out, I have a lot to say! This first entry will be mostly about my plans, preparations and things that happened leading up to Sona’s arrival. I had planned to write a third trimester update post at 40 weeks pregnant, because I fully expected to go past my due date. But when that day came (spoiler?) I was just not feeling it. So some of what I share below will be things that probably would have been in that post. I feel it’s all important context for the next parts of this birth story. So here we go!
Plans & preparation
Even though this was our second time around, Anthony and I wanted to “brush up” our knowledge with an online birthing class. Doing these classes together during each of my pregnancies has been so valuable for me in feeling really connected and on the same page as a birthing team. I had a natural/unmedicated childbirth with our first daughter, Sage and it was a very positive and empowering experience for me. I was hoping for another unmedicated birth and had a few things I wanted to approach differently based on my first experience. I chose to deliver at a specialized Women & Babies hospital instead of the general hospital where I gave birth to Sage. Primarily, because I felt more comfortable being at a smaller, specialized hospital with the COVID pandemic and also because this hospital was more equipped to support women wanting a natural/unmedicated birth.
Highlights from my birth preferences
Avoiding interventions: I asked that my care team suggest changing positions or using the peanut ball for active rest before interventions were offered. (Thankfully, this was standard practice at this new hospital!)
Laboring down: The idea is that instead of starting to push right away when you reach 10cm dilation, you allow your body to passively move the baby down the birth canal, waiting until you feel the urge to push. The benefits being that it conserves energy, can significantly decrease the amount of time you spend pushing and reduce the likelihood of interventions.
Instinctive pushing: For some people, coached pushing is very effective and no problem! Personally, I really disliked being told when to push and to hold my breath during contractions. I didn’t know exactly what spontaneous pushing would be like, but I trusted that when the time came, if I was just left alone my body would know what to do.
Delivering the placenta: I specifically wanted expectant/physiological management of the third stage of labor. With my first birth, there was an issue that required the doctor manually extract my placenta. This time I really wanted to be given ample time (up to 30 minutes or more, as long as my blood loss was normal) to deliver the placenta on my own before any active management began.
I was really struggling…
I also want to note that throughout this pregnancy, I was struggling with prenatal depression. I think most of us have been struggling to some degree in regards to the chaos of the pandemic and political climate from 2020-2021. The previous year (2019) had also been a really hard one for me, personally. I found out I was pregnant in October 2020, right before the election and the collective downward spiral into some of the darkest days of the pandemic. Parenting a toddler through the winter with limited options for activities and not feeling well physically during my pregnancy really took a toll on me. Even after spring came and things looked like they were improving, I was still feeling down a lot of the time and just really fragile. It took a colossal effort on my part to feel emotionally “ready” for birth at all. I want to acknowledge this because I know so many parents and expecting parents are or have been in the same position. After the last year and a half, it’s completely understandable if you are navigating complicated feelings around bringing a new child into the world - ethically, logistically, emotionally, etc. I hope you can find the courage to ask for the support you need, whatever it may be. You aren’t alone and you don’t have to do this alone.
photos taken by bellflower design co when I was 34 weeks pregnant
When things changed for the better
Two things that played a pivotal role for me in those last weeks before Sona’s birth were having my first prenatal session with my doula - where we started to make a plan for my postpartum period - and hosting a Mother’s Blessing. I had only recently heard of this alternative to a traditional baby shower and had never actually attended one myself. It was a really beautiful gathering with a small group of the mothers in my life who I feel closest to and most inspired by. We shared a potluck lunch at a park, shared stories, wrote out birth affirmation cards, did a cord ceremony and were led in the most perfect guided meditation by my friend Shawn. I left that day feeling so loved and supported, really like these women were lending me their strength for the days ahead and I will always be so very grateful for that.
33 weeks - 38 weeks - 40 weeks
Going past my due date
Just like with my first pregnancy, my due date came and went with no sign of imminent labor. This time, I was prepared and fully committed to being patient, trusting that my baby would come when she was ready. Because of my goal of an unmedicated birth, I really wanted to avoid an induction unless it was an absolute medical necessity. Personally, I did not feel that going past my due date was enough of a reason to be induced if both me and the baby were healthy. Also, I was honestly afraid that I wouldn’t be able to manage Pitocin contractions (which are notoriously more intense than natural contractions) on my own and that choosing an induction would ultimately result in choosing an epidural as well. Natural/unmedicated birth isn’t for everyone but it’s something that was important to me and I felt confident that I could do it having done it once before. For the record, I believe all birth is natural birth and the only thing that matters is that the birthing person feels empowered to make the decisions that feel right for them.
At my 40 week appointment I was offered a scheduled induction and I declined. Instead, I came in a few days later for an ultrasound and non-stress test to monitor the baby at 40 weeks + 4 days. During the NST, I had one stronger contraction but I didn’t get my hopes up. I had been having Braxton Hicks contractions since 18 weeks and had a couple episodes of prodromal labor (contractions that are strong and regularly spaced but don’t lead to established labor) during my third trimester. On Memorial Day, I had 3 hours of contractions that were 3-4 minutes apart and another 3 hours of contractions 5-7 minutes apart before they tapered off. I was banking on the fact that all this false labor meant that real labor would be quick when it finally came! Anyway, the baby was doing great and I went home with the plan to return for more monitoring at 41 weeks...
